What Would Lon Wagner's Twitter Look Like?

It would look like this: Twelve hours ago: Called wife on way home. Wondered if I should pick something up for dinner.

Eleven hours, 59 and a half minutes ago: Listened to wife's cell ring and ring and ring.

Eleven hours, 59 minutes ago: Didn't feel like hearing voicemail woman explain calling options, hung up.

Eleven hours, 30 minutes ago: Arrived home without incident.

Eleven hours, 29 minutes ago: Wife and three kids got home from mud-puddle-splashy walk.

Eleven hours, 28 and a half minutes ago: Wife asked where I had been. Told wife I had called, asked her why she didn't answer, even though it seemed obvious.