Stacey's Story

Sean Daly: When you first meet Stacey, your dreams of the perfect Disney World vacation are still pure. No tears have been shed, no Goofy dolls lost, no deep family resentment seeded after a barfy drop on the Tower of Terror.

You have just checked into your room at a Disney hotel. You plop down on the bed, the kids scrambling here and there, and you turn on the television. There she is - Stacey! - the host of the Resort TV channel. Stacey's info show, the 30-minute Top 7 Must-Sees at Walt Disney World, runs on a loop, all day, every day.

In more than 24, 000 hotel rooms.

For tens of millions of visitors a year.

You can't look away from this supernaturally perky tour guide, always in motion, always yammering, always go!go!go! She is nothing less than a human exclamation point.

Look, there's Stacey riding the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster at MGM "Love Aerosmith? Love roller coasters? Hellooo!!!". And there she is extracting a "water-powered wedgie" from her tasteful bikini after zipping down the Summit Plummet slide at Blizzard Beach ("Straight down the chute, brotha! Let's get it on!"). Stacey visits four theme parks, two water parks, Downtown Disney and a golf course in a half-hour. You're impressed.

You're also a little annoyed. She talks fast, sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes in an awkward slang that is akin to watching your mother do the Electric Slide ("If you excuse me, I'm about to get my ride on!"). Stacey is impossibly cute, wholesome, the girl next door, Marcia from The Brady Bunch.

As you watch her, you think, maybe you will have the perfect Disney World vacation. Maybe you will be just like Stacey, tackling life with fresh feet and a big smile.

And when you return after your first day - exhausted, sweaty, broke, your dreams tainted - Stacey is there, unchanged. So you watch her again. And again. Your kids memorize her lines ("It's a lot like going to the real Africa, but without all the malaria shots and stuff!").

Stacey. We love her; we hate her. We want to be her; we want to mute her. Stacey.

We can't look away.