Pumped

John Barry: ST. PETERSBURG

The container looks like a bacon-bits shaker. It contains Ray Fennessy's Magic Bullet formula. It's the stuff he says will keep him alive until he's 120. He just turned 80.

Fennessy is on his screened front porch, just before noon, polishing off two plates of leftover corned beef and cabbage. Needless to say, Fennessy's snack is well seasoned with the Magic Bullet. But before he tells what's in it, Fennessy must retell his Shultzie joke. The boys at Lifestyle gym near Tyrone Mall have heard it a hundred times.

Well, there's this mortician. The freshly deceased corpse of Shultzie lies before him. The mortician is so impressed with a particular part of Shultzie's anatomy that he cuts it off, sticks it in a jar of formaldehyde and takes it home. When he shows the jar to his wife, she exclaims, "Oh, no, Shultzie's dead!"