In The Name Of Victoria, Part V

Chapter 5: A CHANCE FOR VICTORIA

In September 2011 Cecilie M. Hansen saw a photo in Berlingske of a seriously ill girl in Nepal. Victoria, just 20 months old, was born with water on the brain and abandoned by doctors. In November Cecilie goes to Nepal and moves Victoria to the private hospital of a neurosurgeon, Dr. Basant Pant. He has just operated on Victoria.

By Line Holm Nielsen & Mads Nissen (photo)

The day slips by. It's Cecilie's last day in Nepal, and for the first time her energy seem to have dissipated. She sits in the hospital room with a deep furrow on her forehead as she looks at Victoria. She watches Maya circling the child. Cecilie has brought Maya two bracelets as a thank you. Tiny Maya will look after Victoria day and night when Cecilie has gone back home tonight. Maya watches over the child endlessly, even slept curled up at the foot of her bed for the past two nights.

The mood in the room is miserable. Victoria is unwell. It's the 11th of November, two days since her operation, and one and a half litres of water have been drained from her head. The clear fluid now sits in bottles on the floor. Drained of fluid, Victoria's head has shrunk and her cranial plates don't meet. The top of her head looks like a broken eggshell covered in skin. Even her eyes have fallen deeper into their cavities.

Cecilie Mose Hansen is restless. Tonight she flies back to her other reality, to Gentofte, to her son, Sebastian, her husband, Christian, and her job at Maersk. She wishes she could put Victoria in her pocket and take her with her. Cecilie instigated all of this, and the responsibility weighs heavily on her today. She's fearful. Victoria is hot, constantly whimpering, and – what Cecilie doesn't understand – suffers brief fits during which her eyes flicker. She appears to be nauseous.

Earlier that morning two nurses came to visit from Paropakar Hospital where Victoria was born and spent the first 20 months of her life. The moment she heard their voices, her face lit up. Her smile was reassuring. It showed that Victoria was still able to respond emotionally, the water on her brain hadn't destroyed everything behind those eyes. But the scene gnaws at Cecilie. Perhaps it's jealousy? For all those months those in charge at Paropakar did nothing, didn't even give her a name. And still, Victoria rewarded these women with a bigger smile than Cecilie had ever received.

It makes her feel guilty. Victoria didn't ask for any of this: to be moved, have surgery, be rescued from certain death. Had Cecilie jerked her out of a place of comfort? Was Victoria unhappy about the last few weeks – despite the love and affection poured on her by Cecilie and Maya? However miserable it seemed, the naked room at the state hospital was all she had ever known. It was her home. Such thoughts would recur over and over in Cecilie's mind over the following weeks. But on her last day in the private ward at Annapurna Hospital she tries to push them aside. If anyone is to blame, it's the people who did nothing, she thinks. And what was the alternative? Victoria dying all alone, suffocating or starving to death once the water on her brain had finally destroyed her ability to breathe and swallow? What would a parent choose for their own child – to run the risk or let the child die slowly?

Dr. Basant Pant comes to say goodbye. The second operation must happen sooner than planned, he says. Victoria's skull hasn't shrunk as much as he had hoped, and he is worried she might suffer a brain haemorrhage. He drops his plastic sandals and crawls on to Victoria's bed.

"She's okay. A touch of fever, and she may be in some pain. But there's no haemorrhage. It's okay," he says.

"Take good care of my little girl. Promise me," Cecilie says, hugging Dr. Pant close to say goodbye.

"I'll do what I can. She is fighting. She must fight. There is no other way," he says.

Cecilie sits down on the edge of the bed. Victoria has dosed off, a fabric diaper over her head. The taxi is waiting in the street, and Cecilie hasn't many moments left. She wipes away tears. She has cared for Victoria instinctively, without thinking, done all that she could have hoped to do. For two weeks Victoria has been through upheaval, examinations, the operation – and she has put up with it all, eyes wide open. Now it's Cecilie's turn to feel helpless. She knows that Maya will be watching over her day and night, and that Dr. Pant will do his best. But suddenly the past few months since she saw Victoria's photo in the newspaper seem so easy. Getting involved, finding people, flying halfway round the world, getting the money, pushing to get things done and making it all happen in this strange land. It all seemed easy. The difficult part is walking away. She strokes Victoria's forehead and kisses her cheek for the last time.

Cecilie turns silently to look at her son sleeping in his dark room once more. They have been apart for two weeks. He learned how to walk while she was away.

Perhaps he's angry with her? How could a one-year-old possibly understand that his mother had to go to another country to help a strange child? But Sebastian isn't asleep any more. His tiny white-haired head peeps out through the cot bars and he reaches up his arms with excitement when she bends down to lift him up.

In mid-November, snow-covered Denmark seems as far away from Nepal as humanly possible. Cecilie cycles to work and back, goes to meetings, picks up Sebastian from the nursery. Sometimes she stops and her mind wanders off to Victoria, being prepped for her second operation – during which Dr. Pant will prise her skull open. It's a heavy procedure for such a little girl. The risks of blood loss, complications from the anaesthetic, and infections are huge. Cecilie knows that Dr. Pant is nervous.

A week after Cecilie said goodbye to Victoria, Dr. Pant texts her mobile:

"I wish you were here with us at this difficult time. I felt at peace when you were here," he writes. He has just operated on Victoria for six hours, and everything went well. But Dr. Pant is tired. He wishes that he had better equipment, like they have in Denmark or the United States, and that someone had Victoria sooner. She is fine for now, he writes. There is nothing to do but wait.

Cecilie and her husband have decided to raise as much money as possible. Victoria is theirs. But since Dr. Pant took her case, two other poor children with water on the brain have come to him. They are older and their condition less advanced. Cecilie and Christian want to raise funds for Annapurna Hospital so that Dr. Pant can help other children like Victoria.

The text message wakes them up at three o'clock on a Saturday morning. Cecilie sits up in bed.

"Dear Cecilie, please be brave. You tried. We all tried. It was her fate. We must keep trying our best. The outcome was bad because we had to operate so late. Maya cries day and night and is in shock. Basant"

At first Cecilie doesn't understand the words appearing on her mobile screen. She calls Dr. Pant's number and they have a brief, disjointed conversation. He had sent Cecilie another text hours earlier, but it never arrived. He is inconsolable. The whole hospital is inconsolable.

Victoria had woken up with a fever the morning after the operation. After several little fits, her heart suddenly stopped.

Cecilie's grief is unexpectedly heavy. She is angry, guilty and furious at the unfairness of it all. And she has no closure. Victoria's death is still just a text message. There is just emptiness.

Perhaps Victoria's fate was already sealed when Cecilie found her. She and Dr. Pant were too late. But she hopes that Victoria died feeling safe and warm, perhaps even feeling the love that surrounded her. She gave so much in return. Victoria has changed Cecilie's and her family's life for ever – more than Cecilie can yet fathom. She just knows that she must find some meaning to it all, to give justice to Victoria.

In the New Year, Cecilie and Christian will return to Nepal. Christian wants to meet Dr. Pant and see where Victoria lived. Then they will decide how best to help other children like her.

Victoria is dead. But she was given a chance. She was given a name.