If I Ran The Paper …

I'm awake. What the hell.

1. Today's Drink on the 1A rail.

2. Every non-major league local sports story must contain at least 30 names of athletes.

3. We bring back delivery boys on bicycles.

4. And kids who sell papers on the corners.

5. And kids who sell subscriptions door to door.

6. We rip off Extra! afternoon editions for any crime, accident or natural disaster within 100 miles of the headquarters in which six or more people die.

7. No more teases in the print edition to yournewspaper.com.

8. I come into the newsroom all sweaty and jump on a desk and say something cool at least once a month.

9. We tear down the cubicles and shove all the desks back together.

10. It's okay to…